Cirque du Flambe

Omelet. (June 13)

Thu, 14 Jun 2012 00:45:00 -0400

Broccoli, pepper, and cheese omelet. Didn’t quite pan out (pardon the pun). Things fell out. Not a bad taste. Had to scrap my first attempt (eating it as my scrambled breakfast tomorrow). I ate most of the steamed broccoli on the side, separately. I shouldn’t think so hard next time.

Leftovers. (June 12)

Thu, 14 Jun 2012 00:42:00 -0400

Leftovers from taco night. ‘Nuf said.

¡Olé!

Mon, 11 Jun 2012 23:52:15 -0400

¡El noche de los tacos!

Had all the ingredients, and even defrosted el carne (See?! I’m learning!).

Los ingredientes dijo, pon agua, pero, yo pensaba que eso fue un poco extraño. Yo use el sabor de taco desde un caja. Yo espero que mi carne fue caliente. Una compañera de cuarto dije, “Pon las tortillas dentro del microwave, para calor. Pero en lugar de 20 segundos, yo cocine las tortillas por 2 minutos. Fueron un poquito negro. Ay dios mio.

El final- una ensalada de los tacos. ¡OLE!

Perhaps I should explore the many uses of the iron...

Mon, 11 Jun 2012 23:37:01 -0400

whatshouldwecallme:

Expectation:

Reality:

Banana Pancakes

Mon, 11 Jun 2012 02:01:11 -0400

Banana Pancakes

Jack Johnson, Up In Flames (June 10)

Mon, 11 Jun 2012 01:57:00 -0400

“Waking up too early, making banana pancakes…”

Hopes of a relaxed, early afternoon brunch of banana pancakes were charred today.

Friends and I woke up with with hungry bellies, so I wanted to help make breakfast. Bisquick shake’n pour- cool invention! No measuring required. Sounded like I was capable of doing that. I added water and some chopped bananas, then shook to mix, just like directions said. My biggest fear was incorrectly flipping the flapjacks, because a funny looking hotcake just won’t do. That should have been the least of my worries.

With no griddle in sight, I got out the frying pans, turned on the heat, put the pans on the stove top, then tried to butter them. The minute that stick of butter hit the hot surface, FLAMES ERUPTED and then the pan started to SMOKE. Visions of a burning house, of stopping dropping and rolling, and Smokey the Bear angrily shaking his finger at me danced before my eyes. My first inclination was to pour water into the pan, but some miraculous force stopped me from doing the worst possible thing in that situation. Instead, I ran outside with my smoking pan, coughing along the way. The batter wasn’t even in the skillet and I had already screwed up breakfast.

I deferred to the Kitchen Captain and followed her orders from then on out, taking full pouring and flipping orders from her. But when we went to pour the last pancake, powder come out. Turns out I didnt’t mix it that well. This endeavor was doomed from the start.

What can I say, Jack? I tried.

Many Hands Make Light Work (June 9)

Mon, 11 Jun 2012 01:32:50 -0400

Summer time means the grills are on full blast! Friends cooked the cheeseburgers, boiled the corn on the cob, and seasoned the french fries. I peeled potatoes. Many hands make light work :) Meals made by many hands taste better than solo plights.

On the Go (June 8)

Mon, 11 Jun 2012 01:29:32 -0400

Headed out of town for the weekend, need some dinner on the go with the ingredients in the fridge - peanut butter sandwich. See you later, alligator!

Haste Makes Waste (June 7)

Mon, 11 Jun 2012 01:26:10 -0400

I was rushing to get out of the house on Thursday to meet some friends in town, but instead of sucummbing to an invitation to eat out, I decided to persevere and cook for myself. I selected something that I thought would be “quick” and “easy”- frying up one of the turkey burgers that I had made the week before. It wasn’t quite as quick or easy as I had hoped. And the burger looked more like a square with rounded edges. Once again I didn’t thaw it before hand, so I used by new nuking trick to defrost the hockey puck in the microwave. It still took forever to get rid of all the pink in the middle, but eventually I slapped that patty onto a plate, blobbed some BBQ sauce on it, and called it a day. Since I’m also aiming for nutrition, I had a side of salad from a bag, with oil and vinegar on top. I made it out the door much later than I had anticipated, so my plan backfired. Haste makes waste, but not a scrap was wasted on my hungry tummy.

Trial & ERROR (June 6)

Wed, 06 Jun 2012 23:06:46 -0400

Uggghghghgh. That’s how a big blob of pasta sitting in your stomach feels.

Ambition: Bowtie Pasta with broccoli and tomatoes.

I didn’t know you had to cook the broccoli first. I accidentally poured water into the frying pan.

Actuality: Unintenional al dente bowties with veggie mush on top.

Results: Inedible. Turned the leftover pasta into buttered noodles with parm cheese, because even I cannot mess that one up.

Very frustrated because, once again, the product did not match the image in my head.

Silver Lining- Roommate said that I am learning by trial and error and that is good. Thank you for your optimism!

This chef is out for the night. RIP Wednesday dinner.

Self-Soothing (June 5)

Wed, 06 Jun 2012 00:14:50 -0400

Sausage, peppers, and onions.

Forgot to thaw my meat again (planning ahead- a habit I need to get into more, apparently). But instead of changing the menu, Mommy Dearest suggested I defrost the sweet Italian links in the microwave. “But defrost only! Make sure you don’t cook it,” she advised. Famous last words.

I started small- 30 seconds, at first. But the pudgy little casings were still hard as rocks. So I gave ‘em another 30. And cooked them. Mildly. When I took them out, parts were still raw and pink, and parts had turned ashen (I thought I had cremated the little oinkers or something).

But I had already chopped up my onions and peppers anyway, so I forged on, throwing all the ingredients into a frying pan with that good ol’ olive oil. The pepper to sausage ratio was a little off (more peppers than meat).

That sausage looked gross while it was cooking. I kept waiting for the grey to turn to brown, but it was taking FOREVER. Granted, I was cooking in a baby pan (thanks to generous roommates who loan out utensils), sans lid. So I got creative, and put a solid Corelle indestructible (according to the commercial) dish on top of the pan, in the hopes to speed up cooking time. Side-note: Being in a state of hunger does note expedite the cooking process. If anything, it only distracts you and diminished patience, while you snack on your raw ingredients. Back on the stovetop, I let the juices simmer. Links expanded and changed color, abating my fears of undercooked meat. While concerned I had burnt the onions, I was so ready to try my creation because, get this- it actually looked GOOD. In fact, one of the roommates wandered in asking what SMELLED good. Needless to say, I was mighty pleased with the fruits of my labors. Or rather, the vegetables of my labors.

Lo and behold, my meal had flavor tonight. The only thing missing was the thick Italian sausage bun. A light, fluffy sausage roll is what my taste buds were crying for, but I’ve opted for the “self-soothing” method for the summer.

It’s a circus, but, tonight, they didn’t throw peanuts :)

Do You Like Green Eggs & Ham? (June 4)

Mon, 04 Jun 2012 19:54:00 -0400

My name doesn’t have to be Sam to like green eggs & ham. In fact, you can call me whatever you want if you feed me.

Tonight I was just plain old lazy, so I thought I’d make an “easy” salad, and throw some fresh veggies on top. (On the menu I planned out last week, this salad originally had chicken on it, but II nixed that, for lack of patience…and a grill). I got out the cucumber that I had from a previous shopping trip. SQUISH. That is not supposed to happen when you grab a firm, fresh cucumber. Lesson- Cucumbers can’t be knocked into next week. Gotta use those puppies up before they spoil. To be safe, I taste tested, hoping to salvage a half or a quarter of the thing. I now know the meaning of the expression “sour puss” (and the facial expression, too).

I wasn’t feeling “full,” so I decided to make myself some scramble eggs (for real this time). It started off fine, a good solid crack, followed by a nice plop, then a quick scramble with the fork. But, after I poured the gelatinous yellow mix into the frying pan and let it cook and scramble, the end product just didn’t look right to me. I don’t know, I think I was expecting presto-change-o magic to make my egg look like it came off the pages of Food Network Magazine or Every Day with Rachel Ray. The taste was…alright. I’m picky about my eggs though. Perhaps I shouldn’t criticize until I can learn how to make the perfect egg myself.

I’m currently munching on yogurt and granola, to fill any gaps my dinner may or may not have left in my stomach while listening to the soundtrack of the dishwasher.

Sincerely,

Sam I Am Trying So Hard

Fuego (June 3)

Sun, 03 Jun 2012 20:07:00 -0400

Roommate dinner tonight, with a Spanish flair- quesadillas!

I decided on a vegetarian meal tonight, mostly because I didn’t feel like cooking meat.

Ingredients: cheese, onion, tomato, green bell pepper, and the leftover boil-in-a-bag rice.

I forgot to put the onions in one quesadilla. In the other, I forgot to add rice. I think its a sign of old age. The ‘dillas never really melted together that well, but the cheese got nice and gooey, so I called it done.

In the process, Burnt my knuckle on the rim of the fryng pan. I think it might blister. Battle scars.

Sometimes you get burned when you play with fire. That is a risk I’m just going to have to take.

P.S. Must remember to wear play-clothes while in the circus as to avoid the stains that now mar my clothing.

Shake n' Bake, Ricky Bobby

Sat, 02 Jun 2012 19:47:05 -0400

Fourth trip to the grocer’s- I swear I must be done with getting the “staples” by now. I cannot let myself return this week.

Shake n’ Bake Chiken (courtesy of te recipe on the back of the box). First, you dunk the chicken in BBQ sauce, then slap some shake n’ bake on it. As the roommate said, “It looks like its taking a bath.” Indeed, Chicken Little was in for a bird bath with Sweet Baby Ray’s. Popped that sucker into the oven and voila!

Baked Potato. I felt like a serial killer as I stabbed Mr. Potato Head with a fork. But he didn’t explode in the oven!

The end product tastes a-okay, folks. I’m actually full. Its a good day :)

I Caved (June 1)

Sat, 02 Jun 2012 17:27:59 -0400

I caved and ate out last night. Pizza has never tasted so good, especially after a long week of performances in the kitchen.

Technophilia

Sat, 02 Jun 2012 00:19:36 -0400

The grocery stores have apps that scan barcodes of foods you want automatically added to your shopping list- how cool is that?! Thanks, Steve Jobs & Co.- your little Apple makes it easier to buy my own produce!

Jail Birds

Fri, 01 Jun 2012 13:58:28 -0400

Forgot to defrost the chicken again this morning. Texted bomb diggity roommate who graciously jail-broke the birds from their frosty prison cell.

Isn't that Ironic?

Fri, 01 Jun 2012 13:57:29 -0400

While I was minding my own business, getting some exercise in for the day, an advertisement for restaurant came on the TV (irony- they always seem to advertise delicious food when you’re trying to burn off the calories). Perfectly tossed pasta, sauce so expertly poured, savory, captivating crunch of fresh veggies. It was like my inner chef’s dream come true. “It does NOT happen like that!” I protested to the television and the rest of the gym while pointing my finger at the television screen.

Confucius Say, "Take Chicken out of Freezer." (May 31)

Fri, 01 Jun 2012 13:57:01 -0400

On my way home, I began to think what I could start to prepare after I crossed the threshold into my glorious Arena of Doom (aka the kitchen). I decided to get some protein up in the hizzay with the nice boneless, skinless chicken breasts I purchased. Confucius say- take chicken out of freezer to cook it. Only later did I realize that in order to properly prepare frozen food, one must first extract it from the freezer and allow it to thaw. “I want them to get fleshy,” I said as poked the rocks I was running under scalding water. Had to take that off the night’s menu.

What was left of the Menu:

Rice. Good old Uncle Ben looks so friendly on that box! So jolly and glad. He couldn’t possibly give me any trouble, right? I mean, it is boil-in-a-bag, practically fool proof. Except for this fool. I followed the instructions on the box, keeping an eye on the clock. I turned by back for just a few little minutes, and the pot got angry- heat was too high, and the bubbles and splashes let me know it. Roomie intervention- turned down the heat! Attempted to fish out the bag. Got those grains into a bowl. What does one put on rice? Apparently, nothing. Ate some plain old rice for dinner.

Left over Cuke-tomato salad.

Cheddar cheese.

Found some egg in the fridge! Cracked two (WITHOUT THE SHELL FALLING IN! HOORAY!), salt (again, a little too much), pepper, teensy bit of milk. What began as scrambled eggs turned into an omelet, except I forgot to add the cheese.

The Roomies have volunteered themselves as Kitchen monitors for this four-year-old running around with knives. I shudder to think what will happen when they aren’t at home!

Plan B

Fri, 01 Jun 2012 13:49:56 -0400

“There’s always Chinese food.” -LB

I’ve begun to amass a menu collection, so when the inevitable kitchen catastrophe strikes, I’ll be able to call in some back up. Literally.